Fake Baby

A fake baby. Fake 4 months of getting fake pictures like the one above, being told you were the family for this fake child. Four months of dreaming of this fake little girl. Four months of bending over backward to help a fake birth mom through the fake hard times that were totally viable things a real true birth mother would go through. Four months of her meticulously telling us about the things the baby was doing and doctor appointments and how much they think the baby weighed. Stories about what the doctor told her and what she told the doctor. Stories, fake people, lies, all meticulously put in place. Three visits by the social worker to the fake birth mom. We were all played. For what?

It all lead up to Thursday. Thursday she had a fake infection and was in the "hospital." She was so concerned for the health of the fake baby. I spent all this time reassuring her the baby was going to be okay. She tells us that the fake doctor told her that she was going to have to deliver the fake baby a month early. She is freaking out. She needs reassurance. I totally feel I need to go to her in the hospital. I ask Tyson to take the day off work and watch the kids so I can go help her through her fake hard times. She calls on Friday and says she is dilated to a 6. She is having the baby. We frantically pack. We get to the hospital. What? There is no one by the name at the hospital. Oh, she says she is under an alias and not in the computer. What room are you in? 402 she tells us. Nope, 608, "they moved me." They say there is no one in that room. "What building? Where are you?" She runs us around the hospital. She describes specific areas of where to be. For 2 hours we wait for her to tell us how to get to her. She said she had the baby. We totally think she is just out of it. She just had a baby, right? She is on pain killers. Tyson sees. Tyson knows it is fake. I can't believe it. I keep holding on to the fact that I know this girl. I have talked to her at least twice a week. She has told me in detail so much about this baby that makes perfect sense. I have to hear it from the horse's mouth. I still keep holding on that the circumstance is that we just can't get to where she is. She keeps talking about the baby. Keeps saying she is just so concerned about the fake baby. She keeps distracting me on the phone, talking about the baby. She creates a fake sister. The fake sister is supposed to meet us outside. We drive around some more. Can't find the sister. I talk to the fake sister on the phone. Gosh she sounds a lot like fake birth mom, but they are sisters, so maybe they just sound the same. Oh, sister had to go back up to the room. Ok. Boys are in the car and have been for 4 hours. We need to eat. Leave the hospital. Tyson suggests I talk to a nurse. Perfect idea. Call birth mom, takes her a while to get the fake nurse on the phone. The fake nurse totally sounds like fake sister. I ask if it is the fake sister. Fake sister says no. I ask her to give me the phone number to the nurse's station and I will call her back. She gives me a number. I call the number. It is an OB/GYN doctor's office. Uh, Tyson sees, but I think maybe the "nurse" accidentally gave me the number to the office she works at rather than the nurses' station. I keep having hope. Call social worker. Perhaps she overlooked a few things. Was the name of the birth mom on the ultrasound pictures? We didn't know. Do we have actual proof of pregnancy? Perhaps this is a scam. Fake birth mom talks to social worker, says she is scared we are backing out because we feel like she is lying to us. She wants us to adopt her baby so bad. Finally get on the phone with fake birth mom again. Give her an ultimatum. I need to talk to a nurse right now or her sister needs to come down to the lobby right now. Right now. "I can't reach the nurses button", she says. Oh, my mom is here. Perfect, please let me talk to her. Different voice this time. Totally different. I plead with her to help us. From what birth mom told us, she wasn't on board so perhaps she would not tell us where birth mom is. "Please meet us down in the lobby. "

"Where did she tell you she was at?" Mom asks.

"At the hospital with the baby," I say

Mom replies, "she is at home. What has she been telling you? What is going on?"

Me, "She said she went in to have the baby."

Mom, "No she is not having a baby."

Me, "is she even pregnant?"

Mom, "No. She is a very sick girl. She has serious mental problems. She made this all up."

Wow. Such detailed stories of a baby, such real stories of what the baby was doing and how it felt inside. Such detailed situations of what she was going through. Seriously, she had to research this like crazy. There has to be a book or something online she is getting this from. Amazing. People are amazing.

Despite this crazy situation and this crazy day, we are not in a deep dark hole. We are over adoption, but we know people are generally good. We wish we could go give all the people a hug that helped us yesterday. I had random hugs from strangers who saw what was happening. They cried with us, had concern and care for what we were going through. For this one sick person there was 10-15 amazing people who bent over backward to help us and show us compassion and love.

In the past year we have had three girls who have chosen us to be the family for their baby. Three times we have dreamed of a little girl who is coming into our family. Twice minds were either never really made up or minds were changed. It hurt. This one, we were totally played. Totally.

One of the things that is so frustrating with having gone through these three experiences (especially with them so close together) is that we've been embarrassed by having announced our family growing by one more with the most pure and naïve faith that it was going to occur. We've announced to employers, friends and family that we are going to or actually do take off time from work to have this addition come in to our home in mere hours, days or weeks just to find out that we were mere pawns by mal-intended and sick people. Upon finding out what others are doing we feel completely embarrassed that we didn't think to ask this or that and/or that we placed so much faith in those that we felt should have known better (such as the social worker). In short we can't help but feel that WE (due to our being ignorant and naïve) have caused you all to go through something that you didn't need. The boy who cried wolf is all that comes to mind when we think about how you must feel and your trust in us. We simply feel like we have time and again let mud be placed on our and your faces. That is hard for us to think because we love you all so much and respect and admire you. We apologize if that has been the case. It simply is such an emotional thing when someone tells you that they feel that you are the perfect family to raise their child. You feel such a responsibility to not do something to upset them for fear that your spouse and children are denied the blessing of the child coming in to your home. You simply do all you cannot to ask questions or give impressions to the birth parent that you don't trust them or that you're crazy. You fear being the reason that they're unwilling to place in your family. I think it makes you unwilling to ask the hard questions that need to be asked. Just imagine trying to live with that. You, your family and close friends all conjure up hopes and dreams for this huge blessing to come in to your lives and for the opportunity to rear, raise and love this child. You fear that YOU might be the reason that all that might be lost. The chance at that great blessing is lost due to you. YOUR actions ruined it for you and your family by simply pressing too hard or appearing untrusting or crazy. It is unnerving to even think about and creates an enormous amount of pressure. It is something you would live with your whole life. We love you all for your love, prayers and patience with us, and these situations. I can certainly say that we have tried our best to guard against it but simply have been out-foxed each time. We sincerely pray that you haven't lost trust in us. We ask that you not think about our family for adoption as we have been blessed with two tremendous little boys that we love. We are no longer willing to put them, you or ourselves through this again. We ask that you respect our decision and not ask about our future intentions with children. We are no longer going to waste time trying to build our family but rather invest in the family that we've been blessed to have.


Love,



The Smiths